It's results time

Prefacing this with two things - I'm not even sure if the Glasgow results were discussed at the weekend's meeting, and secondly I've convinced myself I've failed anyway as much as I would love to have passed.

I didn't expect to be nervous at all at results time. Even before the exam I knew it was highly unlikely that I'd pass first time so I didn't think I would get worked up about an email. When I was competing, waiting for the results was my favourite bit - it was all out of my hands and there was still a bit of hope, whereas after the results there'd just be disappointment and shrugging.

It's just real now, isn't it? When the exam was still in the future, it was the main thing. I was focusing on the exam itself, not what came after. Now that the exam is in the past, the results are the main thing. Because what comes after the results could vary so wildly. I could be setting up my classes, or I could be frantically trying to save to retake. I could be emailing in another application form, or I could be emailing in...well, whatever forms you need to fill in to make it official. I don't even know if you need to!

Everytime I look at Hotmail and there's an email, my heart jumps and flutters. So far it's either been spam or my dad!

Yes, it's real now. I might have convinced myself that I've failed but while I wait, there's still that hope. Just like when I was dancing - I might have known I'd not danced very well, but there was still the hope that I wouldn't come last. I just don't know how I'll feel if when if I see 'unsuccessful' in writing, in black and white, clear as day.

Either way, one thing is for sure.

If I fail, I'm trying again. At the earliest opportunity.

If I pass, I'm going to be a teacher. I am going to set up a class.