1994

Spent a good portion of the day watching the 1994 Worlds DVD. It's definitely coming back to me. It's just hard when you're on your own - I love my ceili class and they're a really lovely bunch of people, so friendly and fun, but it's solo I struggle with and I don't have anybody to help me with that. So you fall out of the routine and then you lose the motivation to get back into it and then you start doubting yourself. But as always, when I start watching dancing again I remember why it will never leave me for good.

Book Three revision

I'm actually more astounded by the fact that I nearly got all these in the right order, than the fact that I got them nearly all right. I can't believe I've remembered everything. I'm clearly meant to do this exam. If I wasn't, and if I didn't genuinely love and care about dancing, I would never have remembered 30 fiddly ceilis. No pun intended. It's given me a right little lift, this has.

Firstly I got Gates and Rakes the wrong way round but then you're not tested on book order so who cares? And my one mistake was in Gates itself, calling Right and Left Wheels 'Right Hands Across' by mistake. But that was it. It's actually pointless me having posted three separate book updates, or posting at all - I thought I'd have so much to correct, so many mistakes. Wow. Wow wow wow.

BUT let's not get carried away; I do need to know how to actually perform/teach the movements as well as just the names of things. So to revise:

10) Fairy Reel - everything after the second rings, just to be sure
11) Duke Reel - quick refresh throughout
12) Lannigan's Ball - double check on all terminology and positioning
13) Gates of Derry - need to actually sort out the issue of repeats which I have completely ignored up until now but is being discussed on the TCRG Voy.
14) Bonfire Dance - just the Rose, just to be sure.

Happy Friday :)

Book Two revision

Well, I did manage to get these in book order however I did make one or two mistakes. In Glencar Reel I got all the movements right but forgot to add Full Chain on the end. Unsurprising as I can't get to grips with it. And in the Antrim Reel I mistakenly called Swing Out to Next Couple, Swing and Exchange Partners. However I did remember that I'd got that wrong before marking - while writing out Bonfire Dance actually. So chuffed I remembered all of Tunes and Paddy's Day!

So, to revise from this book (in addition to Book One revision)

6) Antrim Reel - just needs a quick refresh, especially the dance downs/sidesteps
7) Glencar Reel - in full
8) Three Tunes - All movements
9) St Patrick's Day - refresh the body

Book One revision

I haven't touched the vast majority of ceilis for absolutely ages. We do the Four Hand Reel (but no figures) and a few of the Eight-Hands in class, but for months I haven't even looked at a past paper, video, or Ar Rinci Foirne itself. It's about time I started revising again so today I tried to write them all out, in book order. Not in full, obviously, just movement names, formations and numbers of bars.

First of all Book One.

I didn't get them in book order. Put Siege in before Humours rather than 9th. BUT - I didn't get anything wrong. All movement names present and correct, all bars correct. The girl done good. But I want to revise...

1) Four Hand Reel, 1st figure - Figure of Eight and Rings of Three
2) High Cauled Cap, 2nd figure - Circle and Cross, both versions
3) 16 Hand Reel, all
4) Humours of Bandon, both figures - Advance Through Centre and Centre Meet
5) Eight Hand Jig, 2nd figure - Right and Left Chain and Right Hand to Opposite Lady

Starting Today.

The plan is to kickstart my enthusiasm for this dance form. I'm forcing myself to go to class tonight - I know I'll be fine when I get there but sometimes the thought of actually getting there puts me off so I don't. I have a headache and I had physio this morning for my not-improving feet, so those would be two reasons not to go. But I AM going to go because I know I'll be fine when I get there. Hopefully I'll be able to just dance rather than teach; sounds kinda backwards I know, but I just want to enjoy myself and get some exercise tonight. So that's step one of the plan. Step two will have to wait until the weekend as I'm so outstandingly busy at the moment, but I plan to go over all of my traditional sets. Probably just around the house and therefore not in shoes, but it's a start as I must not forget them. From next Wednesday, I'm going to start my solo practices again. Here we go.

I love Irish dancing.

I do. I love it, I genuinely love it.

So why is this so hard? Why have I done nothing for weeks?

It's always come back to me before. I so hope it comes back to me this time. I'm trying. I watched a few slip jigs on YouTube earlier, so beautiful - Rebecca Reed from the SRO. And some beautiful reels - Sarah Oldam from this year's NAN. I think I need to see some dancing live again, it's been a while. I love it so much. Why do I let it slip away from me?

I don't know what to write.

I thought it was probably about time I posted an update, but I've been staring at the screen for a few minutes thinking about what on earth I could write.

I've gone to my Monday ceili class every week. Occasionally we co-teach, other times like last night I just participate. I'm not at all confident with teaching. I don't even speak loudly enough! Perhaps it's because they're an established group already and I'm the new girl, I just feel a bit out of my depth and I much prefer just dancing along rather than teaching along. That's all I expected when we joined - I just wanted to learn by dancing. They've been very good to me by allowing me to teach but I didn't expect it at all.

We've been working on the Cross Reel for a wee while which is ace because I'd never danced it before. Lead, Extended Sides, Full Chain, Gentlemen Interlace, Back to Back, Exchange Places, Figure of Eight and Ring, Circle Round and Hands Across, Finish. I do remember things!

Solo dancing, very apathetic at the moment. I'm so injured and although I'm having physio for various things, it seems to be making other areas worse. For example my Achilles aren't playing up anymore, but instead the outer calf is killing me. My arches aren't improving and I sprained my toe the week before last whilst practising solos so I haven't done any practice since then. My leg that nearly killed me is so weak.

I think dancing's making me quite sad at the moment because I truly thought I could get there, however long it took, but it seems I can't.

Dream

Normally when I dream about dancing, I'm the dancer. I can usually execute bicycles and double clicks as well, which leads to momentary excitement and then crushing disappointment when I awake. This time around, I dreamt I was the teacher. Make of this what you will.

I was at the World Championships, back in Dublin, with my sole qualifier. A little girl called Ruby O'Callaghan who had never qualified before. She had recalled in the U13 and we were warming up for her hornpipe set - I think it was Ace & Deuce. I told her she'd already surpassed any expectations and made us all very proud, so just go out and enjoy it. At results time, they called the scores out in reverse numerical order and she was 210. In dreamland, the scoring wasn't quite like it is in real life - she got 200 for her jig, 515 for slip, and 800-and-something for her set. She'd won! We went to the toilet on the upper floor to get her into her dress and touch up the make-up, but we got shut in there and they started her presentation without her. We finally made it back into the arena hall, and saw the podium filled but for the top spot, and marched backstage.

I told one of the sisters (you know!) running the stage that it was disgusting but by the time I was starting my rant, Ruby had gone up on stage to get her globe and I just started bawling. The sister hugged me and said I would teach many more champions in my time. But the steps were broken and I couldn't get up on to the stage to congratulate her - the sister had to climb up and drag me up after her.

I woke up briefly at this point, and must have missed a lot as by the time I got back to sleep Ruby was dancing the Blackthorn Stick on stage at the British Nationals.

Fingers crossed I get a Ruby.

"If you get it wrong, you have to get it right. You can't just leave it."

Wise words from a ten-year-old. And she (Julia, Jig) is right - you can't just leave it. This is why I was never a particularly good dancer. I would start off practising my reel, only I couldn't get the timing or I couldn't do that bicycle...so I'd move on to slip jig instead. What Julia, or Brogan, or Claire would have done, is to keep practising until the timing was stuck in my head, or get between two chairs and figure out that bicycle. And to be fair, that's not even just a champion's mindset. That's just a hardworking mindset.

It's slowly dawning on me that things worth doing need work. Why did I never put my shoes on and drill trebles? Why did I just accept that I would miss them occasionally on my left foot? Now that I've drilled, I don't miss them on my left foot. Why did I just accept that I couldn't hit clicks? Now that I've drilled, now that I've actually caught on to the concept of pointing and turning out, I CAN hit them. Not consistently still, but I'm getting there, because I am no longer just leaving it when I get it wrong. This is so infuriating to me. Ten year olds know this stuff - why didn't I? I did know it deep down, but why didn't I apply myself?

I can't remember whether I wrote about Monday's class or not. There again, during the warm up I was really concentrating on turning out and crossing my skips. I looked down, and everything was where it was supposed to be. It was working.

I ran through Sweets again, and caught up the people who hadn't been there the previous week. It was R's first time doing it as she couldn't go last week so she was nervous, but picked it up a treat. Such a lovely dance. We then moved on to Cross Reel and I took turns teaching it with the regular teacher - he's definitely better than me! I'm too meek. I need to speak up and have a bit more fun with it. We got through lead, extended sides, full chain and gentlemen interlace - next week back-to-back, which I've never taught and can only dance as top gent or lady. Nevertheless, should be interesting. No class next week due to the bank holiday so just my Wednesday practice session - more heavy jig work. No use moving on until I've got both steps PROPERLY right, because as Julia says: "If you get it wrong, you have to get it right. You can't just leave it."

Progress

I did as much as my feet would allow me to do tonight and, dare I say it, I think I've made an amount of progress. I started off just by going over the trads to warm up, then put the shoes on and did some treble and treble/click drills for a bit. Then I moved on to jig and you know what, it was ok. On one of my steps I was hitting most of the walkover clicks, and the donkey click as well which I NEVER get. The little fiddly trebles were ok as well. I'll keep this step! My second step needs a bit more work than I gave it, but it was getting there too. I can't quite do the stamp combination on the left foot and back trebles are pretty weak, but I can do the toe-over-toe on the left now and I fixed the ending so it's easier to go from right to left. Maybe I can do it after all.