The unknown

I'm the type of person who doesn't cope well with the unknown. I don't like walking into a situation and not knowing exactly what's going to happen. It's why I'm not surprised I took two attempts at the TCRG, and it's why I'm amazed I passed my driving test first time. It's why my personal mantra is "the anticipation of doing the thing is worse than doing the thing."

But the ADCRG exam isn't exactly 'the unknown'. I've done the booksmarts bit before and passed with 99% and 95%, so that's not a worry in the slightest.

The adjudication itself won't be so much of a worry once I've practised it, I think.

The worry is the interrogation. I think they call it an 'interview'? Just what on earth are they going to ask me/you/us?

So I've scoured the internet and asked judges I know, and here are the questions/scenarios I've managed to find:

- What is the most important aspect of Irish dancing?

- If you have two teams - one with stylish costumes, matching wigs and all the same height, and the other with older costumes and a bit mismatched - which is better?

- You are the only person - examiner or candidate - to put dancer 867 in the top six, and you placed her first. Why?

- Why did dancer 278 place 9th, when she had similar comments to number 435 in 6th? Do you really feel that posture is more important than confidence? But REALLY, do you think your explanation justifies the difference in placing?

- What do you mean by "good in back"? When you say "extend", what does that mean to you?

- Tell us again why number 190 placed three places higher than number 607.

- What comments do you have about team number 1's first figure?

- You saw that team number 2 had a mistake on Gents Interlace, yet they didn't place last. Why did you place them higher than two other teams?

And the main piece of advice - sense. a. trap. For example:

"The candidate was asked why dancer #413 had placed 3rd. The candidate replied that she had danced with good energy and style. The head examiner said, "No. Try again." The candidate, puzzled, then talked about her footwork and timing. The head examiner said, "No. Try again." The candidate (really confused now) said, "Well, I thought she..." and the head examiner said, "No! Dancer #413 was a BOY." And that was when the candidate knew he'd failed."

(All of these from the fantastic blog (now archived) Nerdseyeview). They also asked this candidate just to read her placings and comments aloud for a couple of the competitions which seemed strange.

These observations are from various posts on the TCRG Voy:

- Sometimes they will focus on 3 out of the 8 competitions (for example) and tell you that up front.

- Write comments while watching (ie don't look down at the paper) as if you miss a mistake they will pull you up on it.

- They may keep bringing up that they had a dancer in 2nd and you had them in 7th. Just remain consistent and don't backtrack.

- Again, sense a trap. One candidate wrote: "I was told that the examiners will try to trick you and say something happened that didn't. They might say someone went off time or fell off their toes, to see what your response is. The best response if you didn't see something is to say, I'm sorry, I missed that. If you say you saw it and it didn't happen, obviously they know you're lying."

- Increase your raw scores as the standard goes up - for beginners maybe use a range of 50-70, intermediate 55-75 and advanced 65-85 or similar. 

- They apparently don't like it when you write the same comments for two differently-placed dancers, or if you write a negative comment for a first-placed dancer. 

^ Not sure I agree with that as if you're judging a beginner competition they can't possibly be perfect and would still probably have something to work on, but hey ho. 



I think my main concern is going to be remembering dancers outside of what I've written. These competitions go by so quickly, and you're under such pressure - I imagine they'll expect you to remember and that saying "I can't recall" is a HUGE no-no...

My first port of call for practising judging is YouTube. I've made a playlist of about 20 videos where some helpful rulebreaker has videoed an entire beginner light jig competition or whatever, and am practising writing comments and scoring quickly, then looking back over my placings and interrogating MYSELF:

- How could dancer 2 be first if I didn't write any positive comments down for her?

- If asked, I'll say that I think turnout and foot positioning is more important in a grades competition than tidy arms, because IMO arms are easier to correct in the long term. So why did I give a higher place to someone with messy arms and place the good-footwork dancer lower?

- How would I justify this dancer's place if I've only written one positive comment down?

- What the hell does that say?!

It's obviously not perfect but it's a good start over the summer break where there are no classes and no competitions. Come competition time I think I will furtively mark competitions I don't have a dancer in, and eventually ask to shadow. That's intimidating though, sitting up at the front with everyone knowing exactly why you're there...

The dancing exam

If you read my blog when I was prepping for the TCRG, you'll know how much I struggled with the practical dancing element. (If you're new to the blog, go read the posts. They're hilarious, I'm such an idiot).

I took my first-attempt TCRG exam a full 6 years after my last competition, and while prepping for the exam I suffered a serious illness that affected my legs very badly.

The chronic injuries - shin splints, Achilles, plantar fasciitis - were also REAL, on both attempts.

And I think it was partly a mental thing, because for the most part when I started teaching, those chronic injuries just...went away. I get the odd flare-up, and am in the midst of the worst plantar I've ever had in my life, but it's manageable.

So when I started thinking about the ADCRG exam, part of me was dreading the dancing exam as I couldn't imagine putting myself through that shit again.

But then I looked at what I'm physically capable of now. I do treble combinations I would never have dreamt of attempting. Things that didn't exist in 2012/13. Things I'd always been frightened of. As my dancers have improve I've needed to go with them and I've done that. Little jumps, spins, leaps. Rhythms, not just the individual moves but the way I combine them.

I look at videos from when I was first prepping and I'm amazed I ever thought I could dance to the required standard, when I was dancing like that. I'm so much better now. I imagine kids I danced with as a competitor wouldn't recognise me. And though I'm massively out of fitness right now, I could easily pull it back if I needed to.

Except I don't need to.

99% of my brain is glad I never have to dance in front of that panel, any panel, again.

1% of my brain was kinda looking forward to being the person who got better marks in dancing on the AD than the TC.

ADCRG

I'm currently reclining on a sofa at work. I should be working, naturally, but when the boss is away...

What I'm actually doing is furiously typing, so anyone else would of course think I was busy developing strategies or creating content. I'm not. I have a 2 column by 30 row table on the go, with 30 ceilis down the left hand side and an attempt at listing all the movements down the right hand side.

Why?

Because I've been qualified as a TCRG for 1,645 days.

Four years and six months ago.

I've been actively teaching, running my own school, for 1,610 days.

Four years and four months ago.

That means I am technically eligible to sit my ADCRG exam in just eight months' time.

Let's set aside the fact that I've judged a grand total of two class feises since qualifying as a teacher and have never mock-judged a live feis. That will come. Let's start celebrating the facts that:

- There's no longer a dancing element of the ADCRG exam (mixed feelings about this)
- I can remember every single set dance tune (though the counts would need work)
- I can remember the name of every ceili and almost all of the movements
- I am fully competent in the use of a calculator and understand the grid system
- The phrase "I can talk my way out of a paper bag" possibly applies here - I fear the interview, but I know I'm articulate.

I want to approach the ADCRG the same way as I approach the TCRG - which is incredibly secretively, at my own pace, and in competition with myself.

Secretively - why would you set yourself up to have to tell a load of hopeful faces that you failed? Better to surprise than disappoint.

At my own pace - I'm not even applying until I'm ready. I wouldn't thrive on the pressure of a looming deadline and not being ready, and it'll take me that long to save up for it anyway.

In competition with myself - this is Monica-esque. I want better marks in each progressive practice exam; I want better marks in my ceili written and music than I did in the TCRG. (I got 95% and 99% respectively). That's actually why I have mixed feelings about the dancing part but I might blog separately about that.

For now, welcome back. I hope that while this blog has been sitting dormant, someone has happened upon it, and I hope it's been helpful to someone other than me.

Back to the last couple of ceilis in my table, and then I suppose I could do a bit of work...

TCRG

I still don't believe it. But until someone tells me otherwise, I'm going to continue as if its true. I have a name for my school and have spent tonight firing off emails to all sorts of church halls and social clubs, scouting for venues, and hopefully I'll be able to visit them over the next week or so to check out the floors, find out about availability, ask about fees, etc. I've asked suitable friends about designing a logo to go with the colors I've chosen. I've got my insurance, I'm just waiting for the policy documents to come through so I can complete my TCRG registration with An Coimisiun. I can't believe it's done. The relief. The relief is immense. This s the biggest achievement of my entire life, never mind my dancing life. I don't even have a degree, this is the biggest thing I've ever done. I finally have letters after my name. I can't believe it. It's not real. Omg, wtf, bbq, tcrg. Those four letters have meant the entire world to me for so many years and now I have them, I have no idea what it all means. I can't get my head around it. Me, TCRG. WHAT?!?!??

SUCCESSFUL!!!

Debrief

Time to debrief, I guess. Might as well make it my last post of the year.

It was a completely different experience. The interaction with the panel was different, the way I approached it was different. The main difference was that I was so much more nervous this time. Sick every morning, not a wink of sleep. Last time round I wasn't entertaining the thought that I might pass - all I wanted was to not fail outright, and maybe pick up some section passes. This time I really wanted to pass it for good.

The dancing was better than last time. I was really looking forward to dancing my jigs but in the first bar of the first step I fell off my toes and it threw me a bit meaning I didn't get in my fanciest bit and had to substitute with something else. Walked back to my place thinking "that's that failed, then." But then the track ended, and the next one that came on was my favourite jig of all time, a sign, so I thought no. Not failed. Still hope. Didn't make another mistake after that, bar another toes-related wobble in my hornpipe set. I got back to my room thinking, I'm not sure how that went. Anyone who's done this before will know what I mean when I say I've changed my mind about it several times since and I'm sure I will again, but I can only pray that I made up those two marks.

Teaching I think went well. It definitely went infinitely better than last time and I actually enjoyed it, but who can say if I did enough. The kids were awesome, I hope they enjoyed learning the ceilis possibly for the first time. I got an eight hand and a progressive, one reel and one jig, neither with a specific tune this time. I blipped once but put myself right the moment one of them asked how many bars the movement was. I felt like it was going well but at one point they were deep in discussion which obviously I couldn't hear and I can't decide whether it was good or bad. What I do know is that last time I came out and wept in my room while predicting 30% marks in the solo teaching - this time I bounced out. I just enjoyed teaching, being called a teacher. It felt comfortable. I hope I put that across.

Since then I thought I'd want a break from dancing but the opposite is true. Can't get enough. Last time it went badly and I just wanted to get away from it for a while - this time my legs are glad of the Christmas break but I'm raring to get back into it and will continue to do my solo practices too as I've got a list of things I want to work on so that I can be the best I possibly can be for my eventual dancers. So there'll be a to-do list early in the new year, but then we wait.

One.

11.52am

Chilling in the airport, playing Yahtzee. By "chilling" I very much mean "feeling sick and doing everything I can not to cry". I am, to borrow a phrase from the 1800s, wretched with nerves. At least my flight's not delayed. Yesterday I lilted as though my life depended on it - I just pray I can access those tunes when everything DOES depend on it. I cried leaving the house. The next time I'm there I could be a TCRG without knowing it, or I could be heading towards attempt 3. Ok now I really feel sick. 

3.47pm

Just realised I got my unsuccessful email a year ago today. I was standing outside watching a utility company install a new water pipe at the time. It was -2•c. This year I'm toasty in the hotel room waiting, while my friend and the others do the written. Going through stages of intense nerves and slight excitement, but at least with her here we're distracting each other when we're together. Good luck everyone. 

Two.

It's my last day in the office today. And I can get onto the internet but not emails or the server, so I'm killing time with some admin tasks and a bit of revision.

I spent a lot of time on Glencar last night - I absolutely love this little dance but when we do it in class, we do it 'wrong' to make it easier. So gents and ladies do the figures of eight the same way, and in the double figure of eight we take hands lead-around style rather than both hands. I think both hands is easier but even so. Anyway so this one has always tripped me up a bit because I hesitate and second-guess when it comes to those movements, but I've got it down now. I even dreamt about it! I wouldn't mind getting that one now. Let's watch, because it's lovely (and you get a free Fairy Reel with this one too):



There's a lot of fog in little England today and flights are being cancelled and delayed all over the shop. Cross your fingers for me that I at least get there!

A while ago I had a conversation about nerves with the other half. We were watching a big England game and I said "God imagine how nervous they all are!" and he said no, they'd be pumped up and ready for it, adrenaline but not nerves. I'm of a nervous disposition and always have been, hence I didn't compete in dancing very much, so I just didn't understand this mindset. But I think I'm starting to on a very small scale. I've done as much preparation as is humanly possible. I've danced hard, I've put myself through incredibly stressful ceili teaching prep classes and driven 230 miles virtually every week. I've even gone to the bloody gym! So I'm starting to understand - the footballers had prepared fully so of course they weren't nervous. I almost can't wait to get there and show them what I can actually do.

But then the doubt sets in again. It's like I'm incapable of believing in myself. What right do I have to pass this? Who do I think I am?

I need to get over this.

Three.

With three days to go last time round, it was my last class (I have an extra day this year as my exam starts Friday, not Thursday). Oh I feel so much better. That's not to say I'm not nervous, I'm horribly nervous! I can barely eat, I have a funny feeling in my chest, and I keep being sick. But I'm not AS nervous. It's a combination of having been there before, and being infinitely better prepared.

I finished my list - writing out each dance by movement. Absolutely no mistakes on that, everything was word-perfect. So the idea was that as I went through, I would identify movements where I was rusty on how to actually do them, and if I came across a dance where I thought "God I hope I don't get this" then I'd revise that in full. You know what, there isn't much I want to go over. That panics me because I don't want to be complacent and waste the time I have left.

So it's revision tonight - reading, watching and ghost teaching - and then stretching and icing. I'm very sore today but I'm trying to look after myself for just these few last days. Come Sunday I will become the laziest person on earth again :)

I have literally never worked harder for anything in my entire life. Nothing, no exam, no job, no hobby, no task, has ever come close to this.

Four.

Monday class live blogging.

7.22pm 

Watching the kids prepare for the class feis on Sunday, awww. Can't bloody wait for my own class feises. But for the time being, jig set.

7.38pm

Jig set ok. I'm on thick carpet which doesn't help me but I can get my clicks up higher so I must. Hornpipe set I ripped the cord out of my iPod by mistake in the middle of the step and when I restarted, missed out a bit at the start of the set. Do it again.

7.56pm

Hornpipe set step fine, got carried away and messed up a different bit of the start of the set. Did the set part right afterwards but not right all the way through yet. Run out of space so on to Blackbird and King for the time being - they're ok. Lady from the adult class just told me I'd lost loads of weight, yay.

8.07pm

Jockey and Three Seas fine. Feel sick but mildly ok at the same time. Boxed myself into a corner on Three Seas but it was ok. I like that one, I'll teach that one eventually. 

8.34pm

Boys jig good, strong. My hornpipe solos good - if they're that reasonable on thick carpet, tired, bit cramped, then they'll be ok on the day. Hornpipe set messed it up again, in the set again, but a different bloody bit! Then I went and threw up again. Once more (the set not the chundering).

8.57pm

Finally got that set right! All the way through. That was enough in shoes so did all my other sets just in socks, fine. I so hope I can just show them what I've done tonight, the way I know I can do it. 

9.11pm

Aaaand we're done. Can't believe it, last class done again. Home straight. Please god I do it properly this time. At least I'm not wallowing in self pity like last year - bit of confidence and self-belief.