Debrief

Time to debrief, I guess. Might as well make it my last post of the year.

It was a completely different experience. The interaction with the panel was different, the way I approached it was different. The main difference was that I was so much more nervous this time. Sick every morning, not a wink of sleep. Last time round I wasn't entertaining the thought that I might pass - all I wanted was to not fail outright, and maybe pick up some section passes. This time I really wanted to pass it for good.

The dancing was better than last time. I was really looking forward to dancing my jigs but in the first bar of the first step I fell off my toes and it threw me a bit meaning I didn't get in my fanciest bit and had to substitute with something else. Walked back to my place thinking "that's that failed, then." But then the track ended, and the next one that came on was my favourite jig of all time, a sign, so I thought no. Not failed. Still hope. Didn't make another mistake after that, bar another toes-related wobble in my hornpipe set. I got back to my room thinking, I'm not sure how that went. Anyone who's done this before will know what I mean when I say I've changed my mind about it several times since and I'm sure I will again, but I can only pray that I made up those two marks.

Teaching I think went well. It definitely went infinitely better than last time and I actually enjoyed it, but who can say if I did enough. The kids were awesome, I hope they enjoyed learning the ceilis possibly for the first time. I got an eight hand and a progressive, one reel and one jig, neither with a specific tune this time. I blipped once but put myself right the moment one of them asked how many bars the movement was. I felt like it was going well but at one point they were deep in discussion which obviously I couldn't hear and I can't decide whether it was good or bad. What I do know is that last time I came out and wept in my room while predicting 30% marks in the solo teaching - this time I bounced out. I just enjoyed teaching, being called a teacher. It felt comfortable. I hope I put that across.

Since then I thought I'd want a break from dancing but the opposite is true. Can't get enough. Last time it went badly and I just wanted to get away from it for a while - this time my legs are glad of the Christmas break but I'm raring to get back into it and will continue to do my solo practices too as I've got a list of things I want to work on so that I can be the best I possibly can be for my eventual dancers. So there'll be a to-do list early in the new year, but then we wait.

Attempt #2

Here's the story of how I got my results.

I opened the envelope and saw "n/a" in the first row of the percentage column. For a split second I'm like, "oh my God they gave me a zero for something?!" ...that was the oral Irish section, which I didn't need to take. D'oh.

I saw "99%, passed" in music (I know exactly where I lost a mark, I switched off during the solo tunes thinking they'd be repeated like the sets and they weren't). I then stopped paying attention to the percentages and just glanced down the result column, I couldn't help myself from skipping ahead and not reading properly. I saw unsuccessful, unsuccessful, unsuccessful, passed. I didn't see the 95% in ceili written until later. All I saw was scores in the sixties.

I looked at the second sheet with the dancing breakdown on it. I'm disappointed with their comments but they really do miss nothing. I flipped over to look at the teaching results and was both pleasantly and unpleasantly surprised with some of the comments. Personally I don't understand all of them but what do I know?

I thought, I'm not going to do it. I thought I might just have passed dancing. I thought I can't go through it all again, the expense, the long weekend. I couldn't believe I'd failed it outright.

I took a photo of the results and text it to my friend. I took photos of all the breakdowns too and sent those. We had a little text chat. Then it hit me.

I did not fail outright.

All that time, I somehow had it in my head that 70% was the "get this mark or take everything again" mark, rather than the pass mark. I thought I'd missed by a mile. I didn't miss by a mile. In fact, I missed one section by two little marks. I can't believe it took me so long to realise that I was so close.

So. I will do it again. But, I've just priced up a trip to Limerick and it's nearly £700 even if I only spend one night there. I can't justify that so soon after dropping nigh on £850 the last time. It will have to be in a full year's time, hopefully in Britain again.

That gives me a year to learn two traditional set dances (I already know Jockey in theory, just need to learn to actually dance it), and to get more practice in teaching and specifically lilting. I know I won't be as nervous next time.

It's on.