Five.

Sunday 8 December

Missed a day. So yesterday was five days to go and I decided not to dance for a couple of reasons - firstly, great practice on Saturday. Secondly, didn't want to do three days in a row with questionable shins and tendons. Thirdly, was feeling bloody awful. I still feel awful, I've been a bit sick twice again already today. I did a bit of ghost teaching for a potentially tricky bit in one of my solos but really, this section is so hard to prepare for. They tell you to have a breakdown of each step prepared, fine, but you never know what the kids will struggle with, do you? It totally depends what they've done before and what their style is.

Today (Monday) I've got class later and need to go through my hornpipe, my boy's jig for teaching, the two modern sets I didn't do in shoes in Saturday, and a couple of trads that I didn't do in shoes. I think it was just Blackbird, Three Seas, Jockey and King. In the meantime though, I'm going to write the book (as in name of dance and list of movements). Then when reviewing it, if I see a movement name and I'm like "how the flip do you do that?!" then I know I need to revise it with the book and videos and some ghost teaching. That will be my Tuesday and Wednesday.

Oh god. Feel sick, can't concentrate on anything. Feel like I'm just watching the clock. I just want it to be over. I said exactly the same thing last year - although at least I wasn't faffing about over my steps still. I'm better than last year, why am I just as nervous??

Six.

Fantastic practice. Really positive session, unlike last year when I couldn't even move. I practised with a friend who's also doing the exam and we did everything - absolutely everything and more besides.

First a few traditionals, and it was great to get practice of dancing them beside somebody else especially as she does different steps to me for some of them. I made a few mistakes but I'm prepared to dance in twos now. Then onto jig solo and it was ok. Jigs sets were all good, some kind of miracle, and then I did some reels. Boys and my own - all fine. I then got the biggest compliment ever when, even though I knew I wasn't quite up to full fitness (I threw up twice), she said I was infinitely better than I was this time last year. Amazing, love her for that. So much confidence.

Hornpipe sets and solos were ok, just need to believe I can do them and I can get through them. I didn't have much room for slip jig but that's no concern.

We worked so hard. We've got this.

Seven.

Well, last night's practice was a bag of shit. I did all my sets, but was forgetting steps all over the shop, just generally being crapper than I know I really am, and to top it off my arches started burning as soon as I laced up my shoes. So that was a struggle. Some of it was ok, I sound good when I actually really GO for it.

But better than last year because I know I could dance tonight if I wanted to, and also I know that after-work practices just don't suit me on the whole - I was nearly falling asleep in the car on the way. After a good night's sleep and a leisurely stretch and prep, I'm much better. And that's how it'll be on exam day.

Work Christmas party tonight so I am allowing myself a night off. Massive practice on Saturday, though.

Eight.

Another 7 o'clock finish at work last night. I did get home in 15 minutes rather than 40 though which was nice. I decided to ghost-teach some solos which is actually a really good way of getting yourself to think through the breakdown. I definitely feel way more prepared on this, this time round.

Last year I was having a mixed bag of a practice session on day eight, and that's what's planned for tonight too. Well, a practice session at least - it will be fabulous! That's what I'm telling myself anyway. Now, time to steel the nerves and take my mind off exam issues with a huge meeting...

Nine.

Didn't leave work until gone 7pm last night so it was revise as opposed to gym. The ceilis I pulled out of that hat were Trip to the Cottage and Harvest Time Jig, the latter of which I failed as I called Right Hands Across and Left Hands Across, Right & Left Wheels and vice versa. Why?! There are no wheels in book one. Book one is all hands across, book two is all wheels, and book three depends on the dance. Wheels in Gates as there are wheels on a cart passing through the Gates - Hands Across in Waves as you're swimming through the sea. Anyway I also said that gent gives right hand again when performing Step & Turn with the lady on the left which he doesn't, it's a left hand. Anyway, I won't make those mistakes again.

On Trip I've got a good way to teach some of the tricky body bits now, and I've taught the opening movement and the two figures tons before so I'm fairly happy on that.

What else - I ran through all my dances in my head while trying to get to sleep, or that was the plan. I think I made it as far as my second or third set dance (after having done all my solos) before drifting off. So much less nervous this time than last year (does that make grammatical sense?), when I was still working on my hornpipe!

Ten.

I am in an infinitely better place than at the same point last year. I've tinkered with a couple of sets over the last few days but I think that's everything that needs to be changed - I have every single step and set, for dancing and teaching, done and sorted.

After class last night, my bogey sets are no longer bogey sets. The jig one has a new step (well, about 4 bars is new and I've moved 2 bars from the end to the middle), and a slight change to the set. It's the same combination of moves, a rock and toes, but the other way round to reduce wobble potential. The hornpipe one has a new middle section in the set, and the step will be fine now I've worked out which foot to put en pointe first (the dangers of practicing in socks for too long).

I practiced my boys' reel, which I actually think is quite hard and a nice step, and I also did all the traditionals as I didn't do those on Saturday.

The thing that's terrifying me at the moment is that I actually feel like I could pass it this time, if only I don't trip myself up or talk myself out of it. I might have said this before but I can imagine myself being a teacher, I just can't imagine opening an email saying successful. It just seems so improbable, that I'd actually manage to achieve this after everything. I can't get too excited about the prospect of passing but I'm so much calmer this time round, I'm in much less pain which helps. I think a dose of confidence will help me.

So, the plan for the next ten days or so:

Today (Tuesday): Either the gym or revising/ghost teaching at home, depending on what time I finish work
Wednesday: As above, depending on what I did on Tuesday.
Thursday: Solo practice
Friday: Work Christmas party, night off
Saturday: Solo workshop - dance everything, twice.
Sunday: Solo practice - whatever needs work based on Saturday's session
Monday: Last class
Tuesday & Wednesday: Rest legs, revise and ghost teach.
Thursday: Travel
Friday: Own dancing exam
Saturday: Teaching exam, followed by high-fives, tears, cheers, and beers.
Sunday: Fly home in utter disbelief that it's all over for another year, and get ready for Christmas.

Different bogey dance

Ok so the original bogey set is fixed and looking quite nice now. But then another bogey dance has reared its ugly, ugly head! I've spent all day turning it over in my mind trying to fix it and I think I've got something but it's too late to practise it now, it'll have to wait til class tomorrow. I think it works, and if it does that's the last hurdle. That will make me feel confident about dancing because everything else is coming along a treat.

Jesus it's December today. It's this month. It's in 12 days. Insert expletive of choice here.

Bogey dance

Two weeks tomorrow.

Ugh, practice last night wasn't the best. Spent around 45 minutes on one set, I dare not speak its name, which has become a bit of a bogey. In the step I couldn't get my pointe bits right as I've been doing them on half pointe for so long. In the set I just couldn't fit in the clicky bit but the bit after that was too slow which kept putting me off. I kept missing out a bar of choreography at the start which meant the following bits didn't go with the music - and the heating was on full blast in the studio so I was a drippy mess of a drip.

I think I fixed it - I'm not changing the step because I know it works, I was just rushing as I knew I only had an hour. I changed a bit of the set to make the clicky bit achievable and account for the fact that my feet aren't fast enough right on the final bar. It'll be alright - I bet I get to dance on Saturday and just blast it out.

It's such a waste of choreography. Why can't they just ask for one jig and one hornpipe set. We will have already proved that we can do the different rhythms in our solo step about so I don't even see the point in doing sets at all save for traditionals, but if we must do sets then why six?! I can't even believe that last time round I was practising nine, it's so stupid. In my opinion you should have to do reel AND slip, then jig and hornpipe, and maybe three traditionals. Maybe the dancing exam could include a couple of ceilis as well - they tell you what it is and put you in positions, you get one run through outside, then you dance it for real. There's just no need to choreograph all these sets and then have them never see the light of day. I feel really sorry for my sets :(

Crossover

Teaching Sweets and had a panic about Cross Over and Back. I know in Cross Over and Lead Around the gents pass shoulder to shoulder and I know in Circle Round and Hands Across the ladies go shoulder to shoulder. So I dithered and sent them gents left to left. OF COURSE it is gents left to left. I know this, I know I know it. Stop second guessing yourself, you're absolutely fine.

15 days.

Solo

My solo practice today was a bit of a mixed bag. I warmed up with the traditionals and then attempted to do all of my jig sets in shoes. Miss Brown's up first, and it was dire. No stamina, bent knees throughout, clicks at waist level or below (at least I was hitting them) - serious problem. So I had a word with myself, sang 'Not Giving In' by Rudimental, and turned to face the storm. First dance it in socks to prove to yourself that you can get through it. Then in shoes - first just the step, then just the set. Then all the way through. And I DID it. I got through it. It was as rough as hell but now that I know I have the stamina to get through, it will get better every time. As the stamina increases so will the technique as I can concentrate on performing it, not just getting through it at all costs.

Rub the Bag next, just did it in full, no messing. Hurry the Jug took a while longer, partly because I kept messing it up and doing the wrong linking steps, but I got there in the end.

It's getting a little better every time.

So what have I got left? Mon 18, Thurs 21, Sat 23, Sun 24. That's plenty for next week and probably physically all I can do. Mon 25, Tues 26 or Wed 27, Sat 30 and Sun 1. That's another 4 - 8 in total. Mon 2, possibly Tues 3, Sat 7, Sun 8. Three or four. 11 or 12. Mon 9, then exam. 12 or 13.

I actually think this might be achievable. Now - Strictly Come Dancing and pizza before ceili teaching tomorrow.